Except I don't feel ready to go. I feel like this is a trip that doesn't have an end. Like I'm just going to continue to wake up every morning in this same bed in this same room in this same house. But that's not the case. Tomorrow morning will be the last time I ever wake up in this house, and the last time I drive away from it. I sat on my bed and cried today. I don't know where it came from.. it just happened. Sublime is playing in the background yet meanwhile, I'm crying like a baby. I truly am excited to go home and see my family but in some ways I think I am afraid. Afraid that it won't be the same, afraid that it will be, afraid that going home will take away everything I've gained in the past 3 months. But I tell myself that there's no way anyone can take this experience away from me.
I'm hiding up in my room because I am honestly too afraid to face anyone. The kids. Carli. Grandma. Robert. I just can't fucking do it! I'm going down there to say goodnight to everyone (super early) and then I'll write a couple letters and leave them behind in the morning. It's the only way I can express myself without having a total meltdown. This is too much for me to handle right now.
"TRANSFORMATION - The process of exploring our inner landscape to find, awaken and integrate the aspects of ourselves that have been disconnected and separated from the whole."
ReplyDeleteyer a machine :) proud of you friend xx
is THAT what's happening? because thats exactly what it feels like. it all makes sense now.. haha thanks love <3
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