Written June 23rd
How can the world be so fucking cruel? And people wonder why I don't want to have children. I don't want to expose them to the potential horrors of life. You know when you hear about the awful things that happen on the news or you read something terrible in the paper but it's out of your mind as quickly as it entered as you move on to the next story? You really can't empathize with what that person is going to or imagine that things like that could happen until it happens to someone you care about. I found out something so brutal today that happened to a dear friend of mine and I can't get it out of my head. What happened to this friend is not the focus of my thoughts though. I'm wondering how we can still have faith in humanity with all of the fucked up shit that happens in this world. I try so hard to be positive and then suddenly I am blindsided by some overwhelmingly awful news that makes me feel physically sick and I remember the cruelty that exists out there. Is it possible to always see the best in everyone and find the bright side even in such a dark situation? Is it possible to see the purpose in everything? As someone who strongly believes that everything happens for reason, what reason did this happen for? Overwhelmed is how I feel at the moment. And sad and angry. Of course I know these things happen but I try to put them out of my mind because I don't want to confront these thoughts. It's just the injustice and unfairness of it that gets to me. And I see it everywhere here in Uganda. Starving children who are locked up in their dark houses day and night, 3 year olds on the streets of Kampala begging for money, grandmothers with HIV looking after their sick grand children with no support from anyone. Aids is everywhere. I found out yesterday that even my driver here has aids. No wonder he was so supportive of me giving blood.
What gets these people through the day? I honestly don't know if I would see life as worth living if I was in most of these situations. The resilience and drive these people possess is so inspiring. I need to surround myself with this energy when I get in these moods. I think if these people knew what else was out there in the world they may not be so motivated to keep going. And that would be an absolute tragedy. I wish Canada could adopt the strength and positivity of the Ugandan people. And we are the ones with everything yet complaining all the while.
Terrible things do happen in this world, really awful horrible things but thankfully there are a lot of really great things that happen too. There are a lot of wonderful people, and often the people that come out of these awful situations end up bringing the world a lesson. Sometimes I think of the hardships people I know have gone through and they've grown into such wonderful people, such loving, kind, generous people and it has a lot to do with the pain they experienced and how they do not want others to experience it as well, they want to share their love instead of their pain.
ReplyDeleteI agree though, sometimes you hear about things and it can just be so overwhelmingly upsetting that you can lose faith, just have to remember all the wonderful people out there who are trying to make a difference.
It's so true. The ones who have been through the worst sometimes end up the best people because of it and it's true in this case. Sometimes I just have moments where I lose hope until I am reminded of the strength and beauty in people.
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