And finally I cried

Written May 3

An emotional door opened today. I’ve been wondering when I was going to crack; apparently it didn’t take much. This morning I had a conversation with Kelli over skype which was great. It was nice to see her and hear her voice. I was told by her that my mom wanted me to call her after our conversation and I knew that something was not right about that. I have kept in good contact with my family so why did she need to talk to me? Well my dog was put to sleep that day and that’s what she needed to tell me. My dog is old and sick and I had a feeling that when I left I probably would not see her again but it’s still not something that anyone is fully prepared for. Once I started crying it has been hard to stop. It’s as if that one thing has provided a doorway for all of my emotions to come rushing through and I can’t close it. Carli was great today; I told her what had happened and asked for a few hours to just go upstairs and stay in my room before working with the kids and she had no problem with that. I listened to music, cried, and slept – pretty much what I do when I’m upset. Carli came upstairs around 2 and asked me if I would like to go out to the store with her to get away for a bit and run some errands, and I was so glad to do so. Just having the day to rest and get out of the house was what I needed, and though I don’t feel 100% ok with the loss of my dog, I do feel better and I will get over it eventually. For now I must focus on the moments I am here and live in them. I will accept my emotions as they come for what they are and I will do my best to manage them. Tomorrow is another day, life comes with bumps in the road.