Written June 20th


I can't help but wonder if life is going to get better from here. I have felt so blissful at some points during this trip that I wonder if it could possibly get better from here. But it must, otherwise I am not going home. I wonder where I'll live when I start getting ready to move out. I am reconsidering the idea of living in new west/burnaby area. I may need to be somewhere more peaceful. Some place my own, away from negativity and a life I don’t want to live. I have realized here how much other people's negativity really affects me. The constant complaining and under appreciation of everything just drives me mental. Like ok, I am sorry you had to wait 5 minutes for your coffee, do you truly believe that it can't get worse than that? Even some of my own friends, who I love dearly, I am happy to be away from if I'm being completely honest. I have never imagined any other general purpose of life than to simply enjoy it. But evidently not everyone feels that way and it’s so sad. If you don't enjoy life then what are you doing here? I may actually have to physically separate myself from people. I refuse to let someone else's attitude and negative energy bring me down. I needed to separate myself from that and it came at the perfect time. Unfortunately as I’ve been transforming, everyone else has remained the same for the most part.

I imagine life is not going to be easy when I get back. You would think that being so privileged back home and going from a developing country where I don't even have a shower to a place like Canada where everything is convenient, that life would be quite easy. However, I have been quite content with the basics. How do I relate to anyone anymore? People just don’t fucking GET IT. It's become apparent that my worst fears about going home are going to come true. Except when it comes to my family. I think they have really developed a deeper understanding of me and an appreciation. They are proud of me and are trying to be more mindful. I can respect that. I do look forward to seeing them the most. Maybe I just need a little more faith in people.