blahhhhh.

I feel so lost. People keep asking me if I'm happy to be back home and I honestly don't know how to answer that. It's been nice to see people and to talk about my trip to people who actually care and want to listen, but I could probably go back to Uganda tomorrow and not be upset about leaving home. I woke up every day there feeling like I had a purpose and knowing that there was a reason I was there. Every day was new and I was always learning something. I don't feel that at home. Everything is the same and I don't know what my purpose is. I really don't know why I am here or what I'm supposed to be doing. I was sooo happy in Uganda and I'm still happy now but I can feel myself fading back to my old self, who I wasn't always happy with. Being around the same people, making the same mistakes, and working the same crappy job. I love people and being around people but lately I've been more willing to be alone. Because when I'm around people I feel like some kind of freak that nobody can relate to. When I talk about Africa people think its depressing, which makes me feel worse.



When I am alone I am either thinking about EVERYTHING I could possibly think of and over analyzing everything, or trying my very hardest to not think about anything at all. And the latter is almost always impossible for me to do. When I am distracted I am totally fine but when I am just with myself I seem to be constantly worrying about all things wrong with me or with my life. I can never let myself feel content. Yet somehow I achieved this feeling of being content while I was in Uganda. I want that back. I think I need to start being 100% honest with myself and stop being a coward and hiding behind whatever I can find. I need to get REAL.