I've been home for a few days now. It still feels weird. Like my body is here but I don't know if I fully am yet. I find I am desperately trying to fill my days with activities because I'm afraid of being bored with life. So, so far since I've been back I've been to the beach, done some window shopping dowtown, gotten a tattoo, renewed my driver's license and started studying for my motorcycle license, put some purple streaks in my hair, and caught up with a few friends. It's a bit nuts and I realize that my life can't be exciting every day and that's ok, but I'm gonna do my best to aim for that.

My new tattoo!

And my hair

I've also been finding that I am noticing things more. Like everything. Especially people's behaviors. Like when someone makes a negative comment or has a bad attitude I can feel it like a stab through the chest, even when it's not directed at me. I literally had an emotional break down in front of my mom the other day because I am so worried about being around people who drag me down when all I want to do is enjoy life. I just had the 3 most amazing, life changing months and I have never been so excited about life and I think that's awesome. I would like to be stoked on life all the time and I don't see why I can't make that a reality. What happens is I start being around negative people or doing things that I don't like that draaaagg me down so deep to the point where I am actually feeling what other people are feeling and being sucked down that hole even though it's got nothing to do with my life. And that's not healthy. And my mom totally gets it too (I swear I don't give this amazing woman enough credit sometimes). She has a friend who has a lot going on in her life and my mom is always her shoulder to cry on - which is great - but when it starts affecting her life and she gets stressed over it and I can see that, that's not cool. But it's not her friend's fault at all..my mom just has to learn how to still be a good friend but not let this stuff get to her, and so do I. I can't necessarily cut all negative shit out of my life for good, but I CAN figure out ways to not be personally affected by it. And that's what I need to do. Otherwise I'm just going to be running away from things for the rest of my life.