Some final reflections

At the end of my trip I find myself asking many questions. Did I live out my experience in Uganda to the fullest? Did I do enough? Did I hurt anyone? Did I help make anyone's life a little better? Did I take enough pictures? (The answer to this one is always no - I never take enough but I will always have my memories.) Am I going to miss Uganda like crazy like I did the first time? Am I going to cry when I say goodbyes? When will I come back? Am I going to feel content with my life when I go back home?

Most of these questions don't really have answers and I'm sure some of them aren't even worth asking. And I suppose trying to predict the future is a waste of time but I still can't help but wonder. I feel like Uganda is always going to be part of my life and I'm not yet sure if it will be a small part or a big part or what any of it is supposed to mean. All I know for now is that it is all about the experiences and again I feel I have gained so much real life experience and have seen and done things that many people won't get the chance to experience. And for me and my life I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm only 24 but in some ways I feel much older and wiser and I am very thankful for that. Travel and living in a completely different culture adds an entirely new dimension of understanding, knowledge, and perspective to one's life. Of course there is still a huge list of other things I have yet to experience and don't know much about, but I hope one day I will if I keep challenging myself. Maybe I take life a little too seriously sometimes but when you have witnessed such serious, REAL life problems and situations, it's hard not to be. It's hard to remember to take it easy and laugh at a stupid joke when your mind is filled with images and memories of true suffering and when you have experienced and witnessed moments of joy over very simple things that most people take for granted. It becomes hard to relate to people. But maybe that's ok. Maybe I'll find other people I can relate to on a deeper level. Maybe that's what I need to have happen. I can't live a superficial surface level life where I keep my head down and forget about everything important. I refuse to participate in our distracted money-minded society. Of course I say this now and I know it's pretty easy to get caught up and lost somewhere in the mix but I truly do want to try to go against the grain a bit and avoid conforming to what the majority of our society works so hard to be.

What I want from my life is to learn and to grow as a person, always becoming something better than I was before and sometimes that learning comes out of suffering or being uncomfortable or making sacrifices but I see it as a worthy cause at the end of it all. I also want to love and care for others, to respect other people and to be respected. To be inspired while inspiring others. If we all felt it in our hearts to do kind things for others without expecting anything in return, can you imagine how much better a place the world would be?

And when I talk about being a 'better person' and doing good things for others, I'm talking in terms of my own standards. Based on the goals I set for myself and what I feel a fulfilling and meaningful life looks like. Everyone should have their own version of these standards. I find that so often people are quick to use other people and their actions as a measuring tool for what's good enough or not good enough. I don't really see it that way. It's like how your mom used to say to you, 'if all the other kids in school jumped off a bridge would you do it too?' when you were arguing about how all your friends were doing something you weren't allowed to do. If I was the only person in Canada to go volunteer my time in Uganda I wouldn't feel any different about it than I do now. It doesn't make me feel special that I'm doing things that not everybody does. I feel like everybody could be doing what I'm doing - honestly I would even dare to say that everybody should be doing it - because it's just the right thing to do on so many levels. Whether you're helping in some other country or in your own community, I would love to see it become a normal and regular thing, not something we should necessarily praise people for. My personal standards are based on my set of values and what I believe deep down in my heart is the right thing to do, and how I carry myself is part of my best efforts to follow my heart. Of course logic and the practical knowledge I've picked up in my short lifetime is thrown in there as well. And my experiences in Africa are always adding to my understanding of the world and what my purpose in it might be.

I am beyond happy and proud of myself for making this trip happen for the second time, because it has done exactly what I hoped it would. It has reminded me of what is REALLY important in life, and it has solidified a lot of the things I had previously discovered during my last trip. It has re-ignited my passion for working with a more vulnerable population and has inspired me to want to do more international work in the future. It has also given me some closure that I don't think I achieved last time when I felt devastated about leaving and was so not ready to move on. I have felt like something was missing for the past couple of years and I feel a lot more at peace now. And I now know for sure that Uganda will always be here and if I have the means I can continue to come back to visit and volunteer my time.

I anticipate a part 2 of this post as I still have a couple more days to reflect.. I hope I am not being repetitive. But now that I am alone in Entebbe it is the perfect time for me to unwind and get all of my thoughts out before I move on to the next chapter.

P.S. I can now answer the question about whether or not I was going to cry like a baby when I said my goodbyes.. totally did. I kept it together as well as I possibly could but there were definitely some tears that got the best of me. It all hit me at once when I looked around at all the kids and started putting my things in the car and I realized just how much I was going to miss them. I'm human, what can I say.