so it's been a while...

I haven't written a post in this blog since April.. and in my last post I was writing about how I was going back to Uganda. Well that kind of got crushed and for a long time I felt bitter about it and I think I temporarily gave up on the idea which is why I stopped writing. I felt like I had nothing else to give to this blog. And since then many things have happened. I was a bit of an emotional wreck for a while, I got a new job (in retail), I decided to go back to school and pretty much killed myself working two jobs and taking four courses - which I just finished. School was hellish at times but also wonderful at times. I would say I enjoyed it overall and I learned a lot. It was a challenge and I felt like giving up (or hurting someone) at some points but what a better way to learn that to be totally uncomfortable, right? Now I can look back and say yep, I did that and I did pretty well. School really sparked a passion in me again and now I've got some more stable goals and plans for my future - a sense of direction.

In terms of Africa, some pretty important things happened around that, too. Carli Travers, who I lived with while I was in Uganda, came to Canada for a visit/fundraising mission. Though I could have spent every day with her and didn't get to see her as much as I would have liked, I did get to see her a few times and that was enough to get me back on track. Seeing her again really reminded me why I have to go back to Uganda. She has so much going on at her new location and there are so many opportunities for me to do something there. I made a promise to myself that I would go back, and now that I have some educational goals, my plan is to make that happen some time before September, before I get really committed and serious about school. The other thing that happened is that I made a connection with a new friend from class who is one of the students from The Uganda Project who will be travelling to Uganda this coming April. That has gotten me back into thinking about Africa, supporting the fundraising efforts, and even speaking at another fundraiser which I hadn't done in a while. I think I'll always be connected to Uganda and the project and pushed in that direction until I make the trip back there.

So now the new plan is: work work work, save, go to Africa, come home and get back in the game of school. I'm leaving my apartment that I really haven't been able to comfortably afford since the day I moved in to live in my friend's storage closet of her studio suite (literally). Don't quite know how that's gonna work yet...but she's a pretty rad person and I like her, and I feel like I've lived in worse situations before. It's all part of making sacrifices..and maybe I ought to make more of those.

going back to Africaaaa!!!

I am seriously going to Africa. Back to Uganda. In October. October 14th to be exact. I'm putting it out there to the universe via my blog (not that anyone is reading? ha..) which means it is official. It's not Facebook official yet..that will come in time. But I have reserved flights and will be leaving Vancouver at 8:40pm on October 14th. It's going to feel like I'm going home! And even though I have finally managed to stop feeling like an alien in my own country, it's still going to be pretty amazing to leave this place again. I don't feel attached to this place anymore. There is so much to do in the mean time.. money to be made and saved, plans to be done up, business to take care of. My car, my apartment, my job. Basically I'm going to be abandoning all of my responsibilities for a time so I'll need to figure out how I'm gonna go about doing that. Hopefully in the most responsible and non-messy way possible.. lol. I've accepted the fact that in doing this I am going to most likely have a huge mess to return home to (whenever it is I return home), and that's ok. I will suffer. But in suffering there is growth and learning to be had as well. I could end up without a place to live (aka moving back into my parent's house), without a job, with accumulated debt, etc. and may have to start over from scratch. But these losses do not outweigh the benefits and joys of travel and experience and how happy I know it will make me to go back to Uganda.

The place where this whole blog started. :)

quitting!

so eventually I may post about things that have happened in the past two months.. the biggest thing being that I moved into my own apartment in Jan. And it is amazing and perfect and I love it. But more importantly today....

I AM QUITTING MY JOB. 

I am quitting my job. 

Yes, I am leaving the place that has probably been the biggest source of any of my misery for quite some time. The job that has been slowly eating away at my soul. I am letting go. But for real this time. Never have I come all that close to actually leaving this job. It's been 6 years, and I've been generally unsatisfied for about the last 3 of those years. To live life like that is such a shame and I won't do it anymore. 

After a couple recent emotional breakdowns in front of kat it was like enough was enough. For her to listen to and for me to live through haha. And then I released it and now it is happening today. I can't even begin to explain what this means for me. I know that quitting a shitty job might sound like common sense and might not seem like a big deal at all but in my life it really is. 

It's gonna take a serious amount of energy to hold in my joy and excitement when I hand over that letter of resignation. 

some thoughts

So this blog may not be completely about Africa anymore. I've been back for 8 months now (holy crap) and though that was the original inspiration for creating this blog and some of my posts will still be related to that experience, other things in life still inspire me to write. Honestly I have been debating changing the name of my blog..maybe to something like, 'Life After Africa' lol. Suggestions?

Anyways, I wrote this blurp last night:


For as long as I can remember it making sense I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. And as time has gone by its only become more and more clear to me what that means. My intuition has grown stronger, I've paid more attention to certain things and Ive connected a lot of dots. Not only do things happen for a reason in terms of how most people understand that statement (i.e. learning from mistakes, being in the right place at the right time, etc.) but they happen because they were supposed to happen as part of some larger scale plan. I won't go as far as saying that every little detail of our lives is pre determined and that it doesn't matter what we do at the end of the day because its out of our control. Though some people may believe that, I think there's more to it than that. I think that what we decide to do with information that is given to us and the amount of time and attention, or lack there of, that we give to what we are constantly taking in will impact what will happen in our daily lives. Every choice we make has a contribution to the course of life. And not just the course of your life, but of everyone and everything around you. I think when we get feelings and signs that things are right or when we may be experiencing a chain of events that feels like bad luck, it is these feelings that tell us whether or not we are on track. So if bad things are happening specifically to you left, right and center, maybe you should take a step back and figure out what you are pushing that maybe you shouldn't be. Or what you aren't doing that you should be doing. More people need to trust their guts and follow these feelings. Then again more people need to spend more time getting to the bottom of who they really are before they can even come close to being in touch with these gut feelings. Without that strong sense of self you will be lost and you'll never have that trust in yourself. You'll either always look to other people for guidance or you'll get yourself into some shitty situations.

Tonight I was talking to a friend about things related to this whole concept and I mentioned that I knew that there was a reason she was in my life and that it was significant for me. I have known all along that it was meant to happen as part of my journey through life which is why I have taken the relationship very seriously. I've discovered so many things about all of it.. But that's another story. But had I not linked up with this person, my life today would be different. I can't say how but I just know it would be.

When you start paying attention to details and seeing more things as significant rather than just ignoring them or getting so caught up in routine activities of daily life, life actually becomes something more meaningful. It's amazing how long I have been trying to ignore things. And only once my eyes were opened to other things did everything start changing. And getting the push that I needed put things in motion for me that I have known needed to be in motion for some time but didn't have that motivation to get there.

The more I piece things together the more interesting and exciting and scary (in a good way) life gets.

ok, it's time to come back.

It's been two months since I've posted in my blog.. pretty ridiculous. So much has happened in this time, it's insane. It's been ups and downs but it's been a lot of growth and a continuing journey of self discovery. I stopped writing in my blog because I just lost the motivation and had no urge to write. That urge is coming back. And changes are happening. So I am now feeling like I have meaningful, relevant things to contribute to "How Africa Changed Me" again haha..