Stuckkkkk

I haven't been as dedicated to my blog as I probably should be. Not that it matters since I only have 1 follower (you know who you are haha). I honestly just feel like life hasn't been all that exciting lately.

I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. I know this. I'm not happy. Actually, I am happy.. it's more that I am unsatisfied with how my life is right now. And I know I need to change it and I am taking small steps toward doing so. But somehow I feel so completely stuck. Like the responsibilities hovering over my head are holding me back. My constant criticisms of myself and the way I have handled things in my life recently are also holding me back. The frustrating thing is that I know all of these things and I know what needs to be done to create a change but it seems that actually doing this is impossible.

I feel like the life is being sucked out of me. Work is taking up all of my energy right now. I feel more exhausted than ever. My body aches. I feel like crying at some point almost every day and sometimes I don't even know why. No matter how many times I keep telling myself that this is all only temperary - that I just have to keep my head down and focus on work for a while, each day still seems so difficult to get through.

I plan things that I should be excited about but I know deep down that I am not truly feeling the excitement. I'm going to Victoria next weekend, camping a couple weekends after that, and Kelowna the weekend after that. I should be stoked. I've actually accomplished quite a few things off my to do list. But these things aren't making me feel the way I thought they would. Yes, of course I do feel really happy that I am so lucky to be doing all of the things I hoped I would do when I got back home but it's just on the surface that I'm feeling this.