empty.

I feel like my blog has been super depressing lately..but I want to stress the fact that I'm actually a generally happy person, I just write about the things going through my head and lately it's been not too positive things.

I haven't been adjusting very well to life back home. To say the least. And in more ways than I had anticipated. I have been feeling totally hollow. Just completely empty. I really wake up every day wondering why I am here and having to force myself out of bed because I feel no motivation for my daily life. (Again, sounding super depressing here.) I have been avoiding thinking about everything to do with Uganda for so long because it is just too hard. I was looking through photos from my trip this morning because I'm going to a dinner with the rest of the girls from the project who I haven't seen since Uganda and we are supposed to share 10 photos with each other. I literally broke down and started crying just looking through my photos. I can't believe I am not still there and how far away it feels. I have been so selfish in ignoring emails, facebook conversations, etc., and haven't reached out to anyone when I know deep down I should. All because it's been easier to block everything out in order to protect myself from these feelings. It is so painful to see that my life has returned to something I hate after having the most amazing experience of my life in Uganda. I never imagined I would be in this place. This place of wanting to be anywhere in the world but home. Being so unsatisfied with my life and not knowing what to do or how to get out of it.