another roller coaster ride

I was reading some of my older posts that were written while I was in Uganda the first time (in 2012) and found that a lot of the things I was experiencing are happening yet again. It's not surprising I suppose but definitely interesting to reflect on.

A friend had written this quote in a comment on one of my posts:

"TRANSFORMATION - The process of exploring our inner landscape to find, awaken and integrate the aspects of ourselves that have been disconnected and separated from the whole."

I feel like this process happens many times throughout a person's life (if they choose to explore themselves in such a way for transformation to take place - I suppose some many never experience this on a large scale) and for me, this is another one of those times. Uganda will never fail to change me. Perhaps some of the surface level things that changed about me last time reverted back to how they were before, but for the most part I was seriously altered as a person. I can feel parts of myself being 'awakened' this time too.

I'm starting to think about other places I might want to travel and other types of work I might want to do. I'm currently reading a book (from Carli's library I might add) called 'The Hospital by the River' which is written by a doctor accounting her experience with her husband working in Ethiopia on fistula patients (google this now if you're not familiar - but be prepared). This book is making me seriously wish I had the stomach to handle the medical field because I know it would be sooo useful anywhere in the world and I could just spend my life travelling and working. But since that definitely is not a possibility for me as I can hardly stand getting my blood taken, I'm trying to explore other options. Social work is great and is always needed, but it doesn't always translate. Especially when there are language barriers - you end up relying on others to help you do most of the work.

The past few days I was feeling a bit helpless and idle, which is mostly just because I was trying to recover from having a flu so I did spend a lot of time resting. But I was also feeling like maybe I wasn't being useful enough or that maybe I wouldn't be able to accomplish what I thought I could. But today I didn't feel that way when I went to the local primary school to help teach a reading lesson to one of the classes. I started to feel inspired and motivated again. I'm planning to start another lesson with another class and may possibly do it on my own this time since I feel a bit more confident having done it a few times now. I started thinking that maybe it might be a smart idea for me to get certified in teaching English internationally and perhaps I could find work that way while fulfilling my travel needs.

I definitely want to continue on with my degree in Social Work, but I'm becoming more curious about other paths too. So many opportunities, so little time. And money. And I have to remember that if I don't focus in on something I will end up letting my energy go to a bunch of different things without many accomplishments to show for it. I need to rein it in somewhere or i'll drive myself mad. Anyways, I'll see what happens with the rest of this trip. Don't want to get too far ahead of myself. But at least in a couple years I can look back on this post and remember what this inspiration and transformation felt like, like I have done with my posts from two years ago. :)