it's been almost 4 months!

Soo next weekend on November 2nd I am going to a fundraiser for Abetavu Children's Home. This is the family that I lived with while I was in Uganda. They are having a silent auction and they are going to be presenting information and updates on the progress of the building that is taking place. Unfortunately Carli and Robert can't be in Canada because Carli is pregnant and due in 2 weeks!! Which is also very exciting. Carli's parents have asked me to say a few words at the fundraiser about my experience living with the family and anything that might motivate people to support the cause. I am actually super nervous. I don't mind speaking my mind in front of a small group of people but public speaking in front of a church full of people about something that is so close to my heart is a bit terrifying to me. I worry about getting emotional while I'm talking.. I want to hold it together. I also want to make sure that what I say is significant and shows people how important it is to support this family. I'm meeting Joan for coffee tomorrow morning to talk about it because she is also going to speak at the fundraiser and I'm hoping that hearing what she is going to say will spark some ideas in me and maybe put my nerves to rest a little. And I haven't seen her since the day I left which was nearly 4 months ago. 4 MONTHS! So crazy! I'm really excited to see my old roommate again and talk to someone who knows exactly what I'm going through. We can both talk to each other about the experience without getting annoyed like I'm sure everyone else in our lives is haha.

the best things in life aren't things

I'm going through all of my stuff today in an attempt to organize, clean, and get rid of shit. So far I've managed to get 3 garbage bags full of stuff that I'm going to donate/sell. Some of it is actually in really good shape or almost new so I'm excited about the possibility of making some money back that I wasted on the crap to begin with. It feels so good to get rid of stuff. So much lighter. I actually like having less choice in my life. I get overwhelmed otherwise haha.

For so many years I have been doing unhealthy things to fill voids. Spending money on stuff that I don't need, looking for the wrong things in relationships in order to feel better about myself. Only to end up feeling worse. I suppose everyone goes through this is some way but it's bullshit to me and it's not how I want to live. Material items and meaningless physical relationships have got me nowhere but feeling empty. I really need to focus my energy on things that will truly make me happy.

I was going through some of my stuff and I have boxes of things I consider keepsakes or memories of certain times. It's a little sad how much of these things I keep. But I was reading cards and looking at luggage tags and all that good stuff and I just thought to myself, did I really go to Africa? Is this something I actually did or was it all a dream? It feels so far away and I'm starting to feel really disconnected from those experiences. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Uganda. And I don't spend my time thinking fondly of the memories I have, I'm thinking of how much I want to go back, or how much I want to travel more. I really think it's crazy to people how much I think or talk about it, and I try to limit myself, but they weren't there and they didn't fall in love like I did.

Good thing I'm gonna be going nuts working two jobs for a while. It'll get me saving money which will eventually get me back.

I do most of my thinking in the middle of the night

I've really been feeling lately that even though I love and miss Uganda so much it hurts sometimes, I need to find a way to move on with my life here. I like that I can talk about my trip in my blog because I feel like there is no other place in my life right now for that. I feel like I'm being annoying by talking about it and I really just don't feel like anyone cares. I have learned this and have been really frustrated by this but I'm getting over it. The experience was mine and mine only and that's awesome for me. I don't need anyone to validate how much it meant to me, as long as I am taking what I got from it and applying that to who I am now.

I was reflecting the other day on what it felt like in the year approaching Uganda and I had to laugh. I saw a friend recently who has been away for almost a year and she was like, 'so you went to Uganda?? Last time I talked to you, you were still unsure about whether or not you were going.' I was so uneasy with the idea still at that time and up until the day I left it was constant fear and uncertainty about what was to come. If only I had known then what I know now.. I probably wouldn't have booked a return ticket haha! I am realizing that I really would like to strive for the excitement and curiosity I felt every day while I was away. I want that again so badly!

A few things getting me excited about life NOW:

My new job. Very thrilled to be doing something different with people who respect and appreciate me. It's gonna be an adjustement but I need that challenge. Realistically I need a bigger challenge, but I'll take it a step at a time.

My beast of a vehicle is back on the road! Unfortunately it needs a bit of work and some serious TLC but this is still such a good thing.

I think I am finally starting to figure out what I might want to do with my life career-wise. For now at least. (I figure I'll change jobs very often otherwise I'll be bored to death!) Now I just need to figure out what I need to do to get there. I've had a lot of ideas without much execution lately - I need to work on this.

Moving out. I need to, and I'm going to. Not just yet, I've got no serious plans. But I'm definitely getting excited about it. I'm not going to rush it because there's no need. I would like a smooth transition. I'm aiming for January. Items for the home will be on my Christmas wish list this year for sure!

my new crush

Just got home from the Ben Howard concert. He was soooo good - even more amazing live honestly. Love him. This Marcus Foster guy opened for him - he was pretty good too! Awesome night, awesome venue. He put on a good show. You could tell how much he really loves what he does.


The crowd started singing the beginning of this song to get him back on stage for the encore. There is something so wonderful about going to a live show and being in a room full of people all singing and clapping together. The energy is such a high!